Mors Tua Vita Mea, or "Why I really hate subbing sometimes...."

As you may or may not know, I'm a long-term Early Childhood substitute teacher in Queens, N.Y., waiting for full-time employment in the fall - which means I only work when others can't. And that sucks.

If I'm covering a Pre-K class, I get to have lunch with the Pre-K crew, and they're a pretty cool bunch. Same with Kindergarten. But whenever you hang with them you're always aware of the fact that one of them is missing... you know, the one you're covering for.

That means that whenever I get that call in the morning, it's usually because one of my friends has Strep throat or Swine flu or the Hunta Virus or something. And if I want to work a lower grade, I guess in some way I'm asking for someone I know and care about to get sick.

I mean granted, you feel good that you get to be there for them, watch their flock, teach the students and make sure those little punks don't rip the place apart while they're teacher is away, but still... even as I get the text message from one of my colleagues to cover for her, it sucks because I know how much she loves her kids and wants to be there for them.

Then of course you get those sad faces and questions from the kids. "When's Ms. S****a coming back," or "is Ms. M********s okay? What happened to her?" And then you get the occasional "Is it my fault? She screamed at me yesterday and now she's sick..." Trust me, those conversations are not fun.

So ladies - have a baby or go on vacation. Have a few too many at the bar the night before school or just call out 'cause you feel like sleeping in. But make sure to watch your step and take care of your immune systems; I can't have that kind of guilt on my top-hat-wearing grasshopper.